Subject vs Object - Women as Represented in a Postfeminist Age

In our literature and the media today we are balancing between two worlds. We are the conventional mother and wife while simultaneously being the career-oriented breadwinner. We are the athlete and the star student. We strive to be both... we strive to be everything. We are still trying to prove to the world that we are just as capable as men, while at the same time wanting to preserve what makes us women.

In literature and the media, women are represented as concerned with their looks, obsessed with finding a loving relationship, wanting to be sexy, but at the same time... we want to be recognized for our intellect, for our education, our degrees, our careers, our abilities. We want to be this contradictory ideal of this woman with the perfect chest, perfect teeth, perfect hair, perfect physique... so much so that we do terrible things to our bodies... undergo plastic surgery and various treatments, inject poison into our faces. Are we not oppressing ourselves? Who is really fooled by the fake nails and absurd amount of makeup? We aren't supposed to look like Barbie. But we still want men to desire us. And there's nothing wrong with that. I suppose the expectations put upon us have gotten a little ridiculous.

We work all day, come home to our kids and our husband, cook them dinner, clean up after them, put them to bed, do it all again the next day. Why are we still expected to have all of the same roles we did before we were the breadwinners? What the heck are the men doing other than playing videogames? Why aren't they washing the dishes, doing the laundry, driving the kids to and from soccer practice?

Don't get me wrong, I know I want to be everything. I don't really want to give anything up. But how can I be both subject and object; I want men to desire me physically while simultaneously appreciating my intellectual capacity. How will we ever find the balance?

-K

Put on some clothes!

Seriously, you are NOT more attractive with less clothing on. Do men want to jump you more? probably, but they certainly don't respect you more as a person. Want men to think you're intelligent, to get to know you for who you really are? Put ON some clothes. Wear colors you like, don't dress like a slob, be yourself, cover your melons, and stop trying to squeeze as much fat as possible between your tops and pants! For goodness sake, you look like packed sausages!

-K

Valentines Day

Ladies,

If we're so independent and advanced, why is Valentines Day so miserable if we're single? Sure, we may celebrate with girlfriends and try to ignore our singleness, but the fact is, at the end of the day, we wish we had a little more romance in our lives... a special someone we were snuggling up with.

On Valentine's Eve, my roommate and I went to a late-night dinner at the diner and checked out a bunch of the guys, rating how cute we thought each of the guys were and at times imagining ourselves with them, creating personalities and relationships in our minds.

Then there were those stupid and annoying girls, part of a couple, canoodling at a booth with their significant others, receiving flowers and chocolate and teddy bears. Truth is I wished I was one of those girls. I suddenly had a pang in my gut that said "MUST HAVE BOYFRIEND." I tried to ignore it but inevitably felt depressed about being alone on Valentines Day. I hated those girls who happened to have a man on their arm.

Besides, everyone knows chocolate was created for the lonely... ironically.

So why are we suddenly not content to be alone on this one stupid (fake) holiday? Every other day we take pride in being single, but suddenly we become depressed and suddenly and shamefully aware of our singleness. It's as though in that one day we see a future of Valentines Day after Valentines Day of loneliness, sitting in our pajamas, watching reruns, eating chocolate and Chinese take-out, scowling at any misfortunate person who may be stupid enough to wish us a happy Valentines Day (except, of course, for grandma).

And why, when we realize our singleness and wish we weren't so single anymore, do we become so timid about it? I spent the day casually walking by the front desk in my building where the guy of my dreams works. He is cute and sweet and smart and I walked by to "get my mail" and "step outside for a breath of fresh air" etc., just to steal a glance at him. So why didn't I just talk to him? Why did I expect him to come to me, sweep me off my feet, ask me out to a Valentine's Day dinner? Gosh, why does Valentines Day turn us into desperate women!

Well, I for one, am glad Valentines Day is another year away, and that next year, I'll be old enough to spend it in a drunken stupor.

Nevertheless, what does this say about us as women today? Perhaps we haven't advanced as far as we think we have. Why do we need a man? Why do we put such much stock in a holiday that gives men the power to control our mood and moves us backward?

Just a thought.

-K

Why?

This blog was created with the intention to reveal the inner thoughts and discussions I have with myself on a day-to-day basis on what it means to be a modern woman. In today's world, women straddle the line of subject and object. They are frequently asked to be both devoted wife and mother, and also a career-driven and independent breadwinner. How can you be both? How can we beat the constrains that the women before us have been striving against while simultaneously doing what is expected of women today and following our dreams? I plan to use this blog to give my own take on what all of this means, and perhaps through my own journey of self-discovery, capture in words what others have been able to only think about, or not quite grasp for themselves.

-K